The Awkward Girl’s Guide to Fixing Your Shower

So, on Sunday I did something monumentally stupid (again). I would like to say for the record, that one benefit of age is that you no longer care about what other people think and the other is that you do monumentally stupid things less frequently.  Unfortunately, you are not completely immune.

So I destroyed our downstairs shower. Not intentionally of course, only a lunatic would do this on purpose. Right?? I “fixed it” so you cannot adjust the temperature or, if truth be told, even turn it off.  It also has the added feature of spraying water between the shower enclosure and the wall behind. 

You see this problem started a while ago.  Our shower once protected us from scalding when somewhere else a toilet flushed, it provided a lovely hot or warm or even cool stream of water under which you became clean and refreshed.  Oh those heady days! Sadly, some time ago the  scalding became an issue, no problem, if someone else had to go, they just waited until you were done and then flushed.  And then temperature control became an issue.  Cool or warm showers were yours to be had but hot?  Hot wasn’t happening.  Which is a shame when the snow banks are up to your elbows, you are locked down in a pandemic and you just want to escape to a hot, lovely, sweet smelling world of steam.

So I decided I was going to fix it.  I ordered a new shower faucet and when it arrived I promptly opened it up, closed it again and put it on a shelf to collect dust.  Suddenly this seemed too daunting.  I’m no plumber.  So I called one. And two and three.  I guess they are all busy with other pandemic house renos.  So it collected dust and my family and I went back to almost-warm-enough showers. But then one day, I got brave (stupid) and I thought, I am taking this on. I am Rosie the Rivetter, powerful and capable.  I will be a hero! My family will cheer. “Hurrah for Mom! We have hot showers again!”

So, I told my husband and he helpfully pointed out that I am not a plumber.  I said “I’m just going to take a peek. See if I think I can handle it”. Well, my friends that “peek” got me into some fairly plumberly territory.  Firstly, I couldn’t get the lever off,  and I’m not sure any of my terminology is right because I AM NOT A FREAKIN’ PLUMBER. So I did what any sensible girl would do and I removed the whole thing while my husband gently told me some facts he’d discovered while googling.  “You might need a special tool to remove the cartridge” “it says here it can take 2 hours” “are you sure you want to tackle this right now?”

Oh he of little faith

First, I couldn’t get the lever off so instead I deftly removed the chrome cylinder thingy and HALF of the cartridge, very effectively I might add.  And then the problems really began.  That second half was a bugger.  It was not coming out. Apparently, you sometimes need a special tool for that.  About a half hour later, wet feet and hair from the drops that were helpfully falling on my head.  I decided this was going nowhere.  So I did what any sensible girl would do.  I would just put it back together.  Little bit of time wasted but otherwise no harm done.

So, I put it all back together, turned on the main waterline and voila, water everywhere.  Now generally, water does not spray directly from the faucet but that’s okay, more spa like n’est pas?  How very nice, an upgrade, if you will.  But for the one little tiny hiccup, that I could not turn our new, upgraded, spa shower off.

So, I did what any sensible girl would do and ran down to the main shut off, conveniently placed directly behind the giant water heater, and cursed.

Back to the drawing board… Okay, I can do this.  I took it apart again, studied the pieces new and old with furrowed brow. And then I realized that the two halves of the cartridge needed to connect a la man and wife.  No problem, just need to unscrew the cylinder thingy from the half cartridge inside.  So after about a half hour of unscrewing I realized it wasn’t going any where, so I tried the other way (naturally) which of course solved nothing.  Muttering to myself I began to suspect that this project might be a bit more than I could handle.  I LOVE feeling inadequate, such a bolsterer of self-esteem, so cheery and fun in the middle of a pandemic-lock-down-that-has-almost-driven-one-mad.  Rosie the Rivetter forgotten I got back to the task at hand, I tried lining up the pieces a la man and wife and then, without moving them a hair, screwing the cylinder thingy on. “Success?”  you are thinking? HA!  Fat chance.  

So, I did what any sensible girl would do, hung my miserable wet head, admitted defeat and called a plumber.

We spent the next couple of days doing fun stuff like shouting “I NEED TO FLUSH THE TOILET! “ and “I’LL TURN THE WATER ON” and “SHUT IT OFF” and “IT’S OFF” and “TELL MOM TO SHUT IT OFF” “SHE SAID IT IS OFF” My husband enjoyed the new spa shower experience, he said it was “WAY too hot”. I think he likes it.  

Despite the madness, one good thing has come out of this, we have all been reminded how lucky we are to have running water.  Just like when the power goes out, we are so grateful when it returns.

Epilogue: A wonderful plumber came and saved us and we have made  a donation to water.org

From the water.org website:

Water.org is a global nonprofit organization working to bring water and sanitation to the world. We want to make it safe, accessible, and cost-effective. We help people get access to safe water and sanitation through affordable financing, such as small loans. We give our everything every day to empower people in need with these life-changing resources – giving women hope, children health and families a bright future.

If you enjoyed this story, you may enjoy “Better Put on my Play Clothes“