How to German Schmear an Angel Stone Fireplace (and release yourself from 1970’s pergatory)

Hello and welcome to my home! This is my hideous fireplace, or at least, it was my hideous fireplace.

I have hated this fireplace for 25 years. Far too long to live with something you profess to hate nest pas? For 25 years, I did nothing about the hideous fireplace except try to clean off the soot (impossible) and try to ignore it (impossibler)

I was afraid to paint it because I didn’t think it would last and chipped paint on a horrible fireplace is even horribler. (BTW please do not contact me about impossibler and horribler not being words, they are now) Also, I hate the shape of the bricks and paint wouldn’t fix that. In an ideal world it would be removed altogether but I’m guessing that would cost more than I would like to spend. So I wanted a DIY solution that would last, be bright and modernize the look of a what was surely a very cool fireplace in the days of bell bottoms and The Brady Bunch.

And then, I heard about German Schmear. Apart from being fun to say, German Schmear uses mortar or grout which are meant to adhere to masonry products so that solves the chipping problem and it is thick which solves the texture issue! Hurrah! Hooray! and Hallejullia! A plan was born…

Here is my nemesis prepped and ready to be made beautiful. To prep the hideous fireplace for it’s makeover, I scrubbed the surface with a steel brush where there was a lot of soot, just in case soot would cause a problem with proper adhesion of the grout. You can see how this does nothing for the aesthetic of the brick, hence why I could never give it a really good cleaning. Lastly, I vacuumed the entire fireplace surround and covered the fireplace and mantle. Then I messed up. Ya had to know that was coming… Has any reno in the history of ever, gone without a misstep? I think not. Better to get it out of the way.

Sooo I started with a very large bucket which I had bought specifically for mixing the grout and (here is where I went wrong) put about a gallon of water in it. Too much water mes amies, too much water. I had begun adding the grout mix when I suspected that I was starting with too much water. I added more gout mix and became deeply suspicious that I was starting with too much water. I added ALL the grout mix and confirmed that I was starting with too much water. Demasiada agua. Beaucoup trop d’eau. Zu viel Wasser.

Should I have cut my losses and started over at the first stirring of doubt? Absolutely. But then I wouldn’t have this interesting story would I?

So I did what any sensible girl would do and cut my losses here, changed out of my grubby work clothes, had a quick shower and headed to the hardware store for more grout. Got home and changed back into the grubby work clothes and mixed up the correct texture. Ha! WRONG! I DID NOT do what any sensible girl would do….ARRRGGG! Obviously it would be too much work to change, shower, go to the store and get more grout! So, I used the watery mixture above and spent hours “painting” the hideous fireplace to “see how it would go”. How did it go? Fine, I was tired, my shoulders were sore but my daughter liked it. Remember how I said I wanted to cover up the texture? Remember that? Well, lazy Miss-I-don’t-want-to-clean-up-and-go-to-the-store had forgotten that! And ended up wasting a bag of grout and a day of her life to “check” if she might like the look if she just painted on the watery grout.

So after about a week of staring at it and triping over the mantle and other things that were moved around to accomodate this quick and easy reno, I finally got more grout and went to town. This time with grout the consistency of peanut butter. Much better.

We tried smoothing it out almost completely -like a stucco finish but we prefered it after carving the grout lines back out and leaving it with the shape of the bricks showing. It was slow work. You need to “smoosh” (sorry for the tecnical terminology, google it if you must) the grout into the existing gaps between the bricks. Then, spread the grout out from there to eliminate the sharp edges and contours of the brick. Then carve the grout lines back out with the end of a wooden spoon, a dowel or similar tool. Finally, smooth out the grout with a wet sponge. Fun you say? Yes! I could hardly stop giggling the 2 days it took! Mixing grout, putting it on taking it off, climbing up and down the step-stool. Whee! And I only had to send my husband out twice for more grout. He was laughing too as he tripped over the mantle to head out to the store! You can imagine how he loves my crazy ideas, especially when I drag them out for weeks.

Anyhoo…

Here is a close up of the almost-finished product. On the left, you can see that my sponge left little lumps and bumps even after several wipes. So I let them dry and then went over the surface with a putty knife to knock them off, which was actually pretty satisfying. Take that lumps! (After on the right) That process was easy however, the grout is very hard at this stage, so don’t count on removing much of the texture. You will want it to look pretty much the way you want before it dries.

The grout does need to be sealed as it leave a powder on anything that touches it. There is sealent made specifically for grout but it comes in small containers because who would grout over an entire wall of stone, right? That would be crazy! So I broke down and painted it. I used ceiling pant to achieve a flat finish. Hopefully there won’t be chipping, if it does, I guess I will re-paint. This may be necessary every few years anyway, as soot will darken it over time.

So much better. Am I right? It makes my heart happy! It’s just so much cleaner and brighter! I think the smoother texture is much more modern too. I also love how the reclaimed mantle really pops now! It was installed higher than I’d like and I tried to move it during this process but that wasn’t happening. Either way a vast improvement I think. Now to finish the rest of the room… Stay tuned.

xxxooo

Callie